Now that we’re slowly getting acquainted with each other, I think it is time to get more personal, more intimate in the selection of topics here, which is why I would like to touch on your greatest fear. What do you fear the most in life? Is there something that won’t let you sleep at night, makes you dread the next morning or some event in the near future that you wish would never take place? Please feel free to share.
The thing that I fear the most currently (and for a long while now) is a social construct that is known to everybody that ever went to university, had to work or pursue any kind of obligation that involves people. It is one of the fundaments of the fake part which makes up a considerable part of our modern life, of males and females alike: the torture of small talk.
Now I know that this doesn’t seem like a big deal to most people. Some might enjoy it or some might just take it as an essential part of their daily grind. I have the pleasure of counting two small-talk rockstars to my closest friends. I know that they might read this post at some point and shake their heads in memory of my total disability of having a short and effortless conversation with people that I don’t know too well. Whenever the three of us meet somebody we don’t really know, I end up staring from one to the other in low-key disbelieve about their smooth way of leading a totally pointless conversation, engaging in halfhearted laughter and make-believe interest. In the meantime, all I manage is to mumble a friendly hiii and byyeee and the occasional grin to let everybody know that I am following the conversation but prefer to leave it at that.
So take this as a warning: If you ever intent to engage in small talk with me, it is you and only you that chooses to experience the absolute climax of awkwardness. It is never me. I never try to lead a pointless conversation, I never force anybody to exchange stories about each others latest projects and busy schedule. It makes me f*cking nervous. I break out in sweat. I stutter. I can’t find the words to navigate me through minutes of my life that I know I’m never getting back. I am socially awkward in that way and I don’t think I want to change anything about it. I absolutely approve of everybody that greets me with a nice hello but doesn’t stop and just goes on with whatever he or she was about to do. You’re an honest person and I respect that. You have other things to do and so do I. If we don’t have a deep, common ground or the potential to reach it some day, why should we waste each others time?
Don’t get me wrong. Yes, I hate people – but I also love them, you know? I do have a genuine interest in people and I don’t just not give a f*ck about anybody but me. To me human beings are the most interesting thing in the world. You can learn so much through the interaction with people and their reactions to certain actions and you never run out of aspects that you notice that are new to you. If I end up making a living from looking at people and analyzing them in order to understand and manipulate them and their buying decisions, I will count myself happy. I just can’t deal with small talk, so please spare me the torture of it.
Now that I’ve made this confession – maybe you have a fear you’d like to share? The freakier the better. I’m open to anything. I don’t judge.
Obsession is good for you, trust me.