Monthly Archives: November 2015

BIG BANG

Sometimes I think this world runs on problems. We don’t have to dive deep into political slash world problems to find numerous and numerous simple examples – or can you think of a time when you were perfectly happy for a long period? Don’t lie! I may not know you, but I do know you. You always find something. Remember how you got yourself that perfect bag you’ve been wanting for so long and just a couple of days later you realised how you needed another one ASAP? Or that time you lost 5kg, looking better than ever before and then thought to yourself – another 2 would be nice. It’s like whenever you feel like your relationship has been going too smoothly for too long, you go out and look for something to f*ck it up real quick, am I right?who’s that girl who just liked your photo and why is she so annoyingly ugly?

My current problems? I’m not getting tired of telling everybody how buried with work I am until the 16th of December when I’ll finally be done with all of my exams and presentations and annoying group work. If it wasn’t for my boyfriend’s constant nagging, I wouldn’t even find the time to post every now and then because I’m in a state of panic about not making it. The usual. Did I mention how I always, without a fail, manage to gain around 3kg during every exam period and sincerely wish for everybody who ‘forgets to eat when stressed’ to just shut up and go down with at least influenza? You people suck. I still have 2,5 weeks to go an I’ve already reached the 3kg mark.

Anyway, I love to spice things up so I decided to look for an additional problem – just to keep me busy, you know how it is. And what problem could be better than my annual favourite problem of the season, my nemesis: New Year’s Eve. I know how most of the posts on this topic focus on outfit choices and endless listings of all things sparkly online – but can we just take a moment to rage about it?

I’m happy to admit that I’m a party pooper when it comes to this evening – it must be the most annoying event of the year, besides birthdays and Valentine’s Day. Why? It just has this super important name and super important symbolic importance of ending the year the way you want it to start and therefore all of this pressure to be something to remember – and then suddenly no ordinary activity or event seems good enough. If you decide to just casually hit a club you’ll end up paying a multiple of what you’d spend on any other evening – without an additional value besides the date and a more fancy choice of outfit of the usual suspects. Want to go to a spa hotel for the night? Be prepared to promise your newborn as commission. And the fireworks? Yeah, I do like to watch it, but I’m fine with like five minutes. Besides the fact that my inner jew cries a little when I think of the crazy amount of money that is being burnt in the twinkling of an eye, it also makes me nervous to be around all those drunk idiots who can’t handle it and end up hurting themselves or others in more or less dangerous ways every single year.

Can’t we just skip it? Am I the only one who feels that way? I must be, because when I asked my friends about their plans, hoping we could spend an evening together with as many of them as possible, nearly everybody already had plans. Like, good ones. Mexico, Iceland, Seattle and South Africa are just my favourite of all of the destinations that I was told. Even my dad will be spending the evening in Abu Dhabi. Meh.

Don’t get me wrong – in theory, I’d love to spend New Year’s Eve somewhere else. There are just a couple of reasons that keep me from doing so – one being the current, let’s say, political situation. Yes, I am that paranoid. I’m just not in the mood for travel atm – call me crazy but even bigger German cities seem like places I’d rather avoid.

So where does that leave me and the boy? All alone in Sankt Gallen or Stuttgart, spending a cosy evening alone or with our parents? I remember it being fun, but that was back when I didn’t know how fun alcohol was. So I was thinking: maybe you’d like to share your plans for New Year’s Eve with us so to give us some #inspo ? Or maybe you’d like to invite us to your crazy party – somewhere secret and safe? I mean it. Maybe you could even convince us to board a plane – who knows?

Problems are vital for you, trust me.

Anna

 

P.s.: I’m getting a lot of positive feedback and I am happy about it. Don’t hesitate to spread the love whenever you feel like it – via FB, Instagram @girlcasm or by engaging with me. Oh and of course negative feedback is kinda welcome, too, get it out of your system… I’d love to hear from you 🙂

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Crazy healthy #2: radiation from hell

I know that some of you have already been waiting for another post about my dearest crazy healthy Olga. I’m in the middle of my examination period so posts don’t come as fluently as they should, but here it is. As promised in Crazy healthy #1 I will pick out one of the many many health obsessions/pieces of advice my mother has from time to time and think about how I could try to follow her instructions a little bit better – for my own sake and for your inspiration. So here it is, today’s topic: radiation.

Radiation is certainly one of Olga’s bigger obsessions as measured by level of panic and trying to influence me – a fact that might be slightly correlated with my heavy use of electrical devices of any kind. From experience I have learned that once something catches Olga’s attention she will never forget it, never let go of it – it will never disappear, on the contrary, it will only intensify and grow stronger. Slightly worrying, considering the level of attention that this has already reached at this point. Do you have an idea when radiation creeps upon you during the day?

It is there, all around you: wifi. It comes and shoots directly into your brain when you make a call, holding your phone to your ear. It slowly destroys your guts when you work on your couch, your laptop resting in your lap. It is there when you don’t switch off your phone at night. It is there while you watch series on your computer for hours on end. The newer your phone, your device, the stronger it is. You’ve come to like the advantages of reading your books on a Kindle? Well, that’s a mistake – ask Olga.

In an ideal world, I would stop using electronic devices altogether – they are evil, they radiate evil. I used to love being outside, collecting flowers, playing with my friends and occasionally beating the crap out of each other – why did that change? Why can’t I go back to not needing electronic devices at all except for the rare occasions my mother generously said 30 MINUTES! ?

Well… I wish I could go back to a time where my only occupation was picking flowers and building snowmen, but I’m afraid it wouldn’t be socially accepted… Sine I have chosen to study business administration, respectively marketing and communication, I consider myself doomed to spend most of my future professional life in front of a computer, next to numerous other electronic devices. I’m happy to let go of all of this and live happily ever after on a remote island in case somebody is willing to finance the numerous material demands that I’ve been developing during all of my years of studying, looking for that light at the end of the tunnel, fantasizing about D-Day: the day when all of this finally pays off and I can go out whenever I want and buy whatever bag I want, in whatever size I want, in how many colours I f*cking want – without asking anybody for their permission or opinion.

Also, when I grew up, there was no such thing as Netflix. Rough times. Of course we didn’t feel the desire to spend days on days in front of our laptop – we didn’t know what we were missing.

And finally, my – yes, she does have a point here – guilty pleasure number one besides anything that involves calories: my iPhone. My baby. My gate to the world. It was only invented around 2007 I think? Well, enough childhood for a lifetime. Boom came a whole new world – of cravings, of obsessions, of shallowness. I can’t even remember how it was before I spend a considerable part of my day lusting over females that are way more attractive than me, thinking about yes or nowould I cheat on my boyfriend with them if they asked me to?

What is the solution to this dilemma? Is there something I can do to make it a little bit better – to calm my mother at least a little bit and, now that I should be turning into a reasonable human being, think of my own health, too? Here’s my plan:

  • She does have a point when it comes to my mobile phone – I am not as lost as it sounds but yes, I am using it a little bit too much. From now on I will try not to check it every couple of minutes and limit my excessive instagramming to the evening time, when I’m sure I have checked the last point of my to-do-list. I do acknowledge that my phone dams my productivity and I am sure my boyfriend won’t mind if I use the resulting spare time with 2-3 more hugs per day instead of tagging him in another cat video…
  • I do not mind using an ethernet cable whenever I work at home from now on instead of connecting to wifi – even though I am not completely convinced that this will have a great impact on my exposition to radiation. That is, as soon as Apple even brings out an adapter for my fancy USB-C port…
  • I’ve been using a headset whenever talking on the phone for a couple of years already anyway – it’s supposed to help avoiding that mean mean radiation and it’s also a great way to cover that exigency to swear in public while looking like you have somebody to talk to. #protip

Of course I’ve been switching off my phone before I go to bed for years and years already. So that makes two changes – I think that’s it. Feeling inspired? Or rather happy about never finding yourself confronted with such issues? Let me know.

Regress is good for you, apparently.

Anna

 

 

Pssst: click here to find @girlcasm on FB.

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It’s a match

Remember Tinder? I had totally forgotten about it and I thought so had everybody else – except for those who forward screenshots of hilarious Tinder convos. But no, people still seem to be using it – Match Group had its IPO last week and a couple of days ago a friend of mine told me she was back on Tinder. Ha. Enough reason for a quick flashback, n’est-ce pas?

As far as I remember, Tinder has a bad reputation. How couldn’t it, with a CEO like Sean Rad – you can get a nice impression here if you haven’t read the interview he gave just a couple of days prior to the IPO yet. Originally created for quick and easy hook-ups, I remember how it had a huge success, also among my circle of friends. But psst, everybody was just giving it a try to see what everybody was talking about, no intention to have intimate contact whatsoever – I’m sure you all remember it.

I hadn’t heard about the app before an acquaintance of mine recommended it to me warmly – Anna, I’ve never had as many dates as with Tinder, it’s just great. And the success rate…incredible – just what I’ve wanted all along. So easy, almost never complicated, straight to the point. You have to try it.

Eww, remember? That’s what we thought. God no. Never. Non, merci. Thank you, but no, thank you. As a woman you don’t need such an app – if you’re really looking for a hook-up, they come super easy, you just have to say yes. And Prince Charming? We were told he’d pick us up on a white horse and we all know they don’t jump out of mobile screens. But…

As it is with a lot of significant things in life: timing matters and my friend and I happened to be sitting in the library, just the two of us, trying to bring our Bachelor to an end. Most students will agree that this is a time in life where, instead of reaching a high of motivation and anticipation for all of the great things to come in your life as soon as you hold that god damn paper in your hands, you rather spend your days in the library, slowly crawling in the direction of some deadline, bathing in self-pity, as close to hitting rock bottom as never before. JUST GIVE US SOMETHING TO HOLD ON TO!!! – that was our excuse.

And there we went. Hihihi OMG look how many of them! Eww, of course all of them are fugly – no! no! there’s a cute one! It’s a match. OMG hihihihi another one. This went on and on – first during our breaks, then more and more during what we were supposed to be doing at the library, then at home…

And we were sold. At first it was fun to just see how many matches we got from all of the guys we swiped right – all of them, of course, men are easy AF – next we started screenshotting and forwarding every mentionable conversation from boring to creepy to ATTENTION, it’s a trap – too good to be true.

By the time we were starting to convince other friends to give it a try as well, my friend and I had already moved on to screening hopeless creeps and dating whom we deemed worthy of our time.

You can say we had a blast. As in real life, most of them were ok, cute or even marriage material – and all of them had a snag. The world is filled with perfect not-so-perfect people, on- and offline. But we couldn’t stop. We kept on saying how hopeless our situation was, how we couldn’t even find the one with the combined force of on- and offline dating, how we – young, blonde, attractive enough ??, intelligent and with a good share of wit – were to die as lonely spinsters… but we couldn’t stop. It must have been the mix of taking the piss out of everybody together with our girlfriends, the change in our routine, the easy dose of attention and the slight hope of maybe – maybe not, but maybe yes, you never know – finding that one guy that met the expectations that we weren’t ready to lower just yet.

I used Tinder for almost exactly a year. I met a couple of guys, not too many of them, most of whom even still follow me on Instagram (Hi!). Why did I stop using it? After texting one of my matches for almost a year, never losing interest, never running out of topics to talk about, never losing that strong feeling of attraction, always saying how this would be the first and only one to meet all of my excessive expectations if he wasn’t living that far away… we finally had the guts to meet – and it was a match*.

I am not saying that this is the ideal, traditional way to meet the ying to your yang – I’m just saying it might be.

Care to share your Tinder story?

Weird stuff is good for you, sometimes.

Anna

 

P.s.: You can now find all of the news on our new page

 

 

*Apologies to everybody who was told a different story, I guess it took me a while…

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Crazy healthy #1: Meet Olga

It’s time for a fun topic, right? To me, my mother is pretty hilarious – unintentionally – and I’ve made the experience that other people are entertained in a bewildered kind of way every time I share an episode about her so I’ve decided to share some of them here with you, maybe even dedicate a whole category to her. So… Meet Olga – a character.

I know some people think that Caitlyn Jenner is this year’s woman of the year but when I think about a real, admirable woman, I think of persistency, fearlessness and a lot of manipulation – and I’m convinced my mother can beat any (wo)man asleep in these categories when it comes to her passion, which can be narrowed down to two main topics: me and my health.

I’m an only child and sometimes she likes to remind me that she has made a conscious decision not to have more kids so she could focus all of her energy on my well-being. And so she does. It is impossible to describe the amount of energy she puts into making sure that I am healthy and happy, always on the look for potential threats to my health, short- and long-term, and solutions to problems, with or without being asked. I’d like to give you a little taste of it, just to get you into the mood for the posts to come:

Travel: I’m an only, overprotected child, which is why until this day – I am 25 years old – I have only traveled to NYC, Abu Dhabi/Dubai/Oman and Singapur/Kuala Lumpur/Bali outside of Europe. Everything else is too dangerous for many reasons. When I went to Singapore for a course at university, she cried because she was afraid to let me go, during my four days on Bali I had to call her at night when I went to bed and in the morning so she knew that I was safe and no tsunami had hit the island. Just in case, she had sent me a couple of articles about how to behave in such an event beforehand. To travel alone is out of question, Africa and India are out of question and so are Israel and even Russia, our home country. America is full of crazy people and I wouldn’t like the insects in Australia anyway, she’s sure. Sometimes, on a bad day, even Germany can turn into a crazy dangerous place. Why leave, when you can stay in a beautiful country like Switzerland?

Food: Food is a huge topic – there are so many things that should be eaten because they are healthy, I could plan my day around making sure I consume every aliment and herbage that contains beneficial substances. It’s ok for tea to taste unbearably disgusting, as long as it helps my veins, my ovaries or my hormones. Lucky for me, there are just as many things that I shouldn’t eat – anything that is processed, not organic and not cooked by me or her or my grandmother with fresh produce is pure evil. So many things, even if marked organic, are peppered with so many potentially harmful substances.

Various: Alcohol, cigarettes and other drugs are a no-no, of course. Not only do they look ugly on girls, they also threaten your health and the health of your future kids. Also, you need to stay healthy in order to be the best mother to those kids, someday. Radiation is a big topic – electronic devices of any kind are to be kept as far away as possible as much of the time as possible. Too much sport is not good for a girl – it’s bad for the heart – and too much in this context is really not much, take this from a lazy person. Do not trust the pharmaceutical industry – as long as you’re not dying, you don’t need their help, you can fight that cold on your own, no matter how long it might take you! No hormonal contraceptive has ever found the way inside my body and Olga is prepared to defend this with her life. If cosmetics aren’t made of natural ingredients, they f*cking scream cancer. Nobody needs fresh breath and it’s better for your armpits to attract the attention of somebody’s nose than risking the irritation of your lymph nodes.

As I said, just a taste of it. In the following weeks and months I am planning to make posts about specific topics that my mother and her extensive knowledge on conspiracy theories have brought to my attention – I will cover them in more detail and think about how I can consider this in my everyday life. Maybe you’ll feel inspired to try and be more aware with me.

People sometimes ask me why I don’t ‘disobey’ my mother, why I rarely disagree with her, why I mostly try to comply with her requests and restrictions. I would say it’s because we’re Russian and we come from a different background than people who don’t understand. It is totally normal for a Russian mother to care an absurd bit more than ‘needed’. I have learned to live with what I know has its source in the strongest love possible and I am willing to give a little peace of mind back to her. Yes, a lot of times she drives me crazy, but the rest of it I count myself lucky. And you know what? Looking back, I can’t think of a time when she didn’t have a point in some way or another.

Mommy is always right. Always.

Anna

P.s.: I’ve noticed that some of you come to visit this page via a link I posted on FB some while ago – you can now keep up to date with this page here 🙂

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From Russia with Love

Russia. A sensitive topic, without a doubt. A topic that, from my point of view, is loaded with prejudice, distrust and a whole lot of bullshit. And I am fed up with it, honestly. I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of stereotypes and accusations. I’m fed up with people just blabbing what they’ve heard in the media. I’m fed up of talking about politics. I don’t want to talk about it. And I know I shouldn’t, because once I touch upon this, there will always be somebody who thinks he knows more, who thinks he knows better. But that is not the point. I think what baffles me most is that people are convinced of things, good and bad, they can only back up with media coverage or whatever second-hand opinion. Even friends of mine sometimes approach me with questions and views that attest to some kind of bias that clearly can’t have developed independently – because you know how many Russians most of them know in person? One.

One way to deal with loaded topics is to go an aggressive, straight forward way. And somehow it feels like this is always the case when it comes to the topic of Russia – somehow everybody always seems to have a clear, determined opinion, with no doubt about what they know and think about how it really is, no black or white. Confusing, especially since I am convinced that a lot of them have no picture whatsoever of the differences between Russian mentality and theirs, no basic understanding of Eastern European thinking and values in general. Another way could be to find conciliative words, ever thought about that? I think it is time for reconciliation.

Whenever you switch on TV, this is what you get: Russians drink too much. Russian women are sluts. Russian men are ugly hulks. Everybody is dirt poor or choking on chiseled money. Russians have no taste. More is more. Have you heard about Russians on holiday? The worst. Villains in American movies? Mostly Russian – it seems to be the most convincing concept of the enemy. Because Russia is an aggressive nation. Putin is a lunatic. Also, he works out together with his buddies to maintain his sexy physique, in his leisure time he enjoys a good barbecue and bear hunting…

I always ask myself: How limited can a mind be that is only amenable to prejudice? For me personally there is little that I enjoy more than saying that I am Russian in public. The looks you get, the astonishment you face when people learn that Russians are capable of formulating a straight sentence, that they aren’t a nation of drunks, that their women don’t necessarily run around naked, looking for D and that you wouldn’t even tell that they are different than all of those other perfect links of your society, if it wasn’t for their accent. It’s ridiculous.

I get it. It’s funny. Haha. And I would lie if I told you that hearing something about Polish people doesn’t send a slight grin across my face – even though I count my boyfriends family, Polish, among the cultivated people that I have had the chance to meet in my life, I still associate Poland with pilferage and carousal. Japanese? Yes, the first thing that comes to my mind are animes and a weird relationship with sexuality. And Germany? Of course I think of Adolf before I think of Johann Wolfgang, Ludwig or Albrecht*. But at least I know that every country, no matter how many negative associations we have with it, has just as many reasons to be proud. Of its people, of its contribution to achievements that are cherished globally.

I don’t mean to sound whiny, I just wish there was more understanding, more will to see past this ancient construct of evil. I would like people to understand why it’s not always easy, not always black or white, not easy to understand and not easy to explain. I would like people to understand that democracy is not what everybody’s dreaming of, not what everybody needs and and not something that fits universally. I would like people to acknowledge that mentality makes a difference, personally and politically, and yes, it leads to differences in dynamic and it leads to differences in how things are done in different countries. I would like more people to understand why a lot of Russians complain but, contrary to belief, are proud of their country, take pride in their president and wouldn’t want to have it any other way – with (yes, I know) reservations 🙂 But to cover enough aspects of the Russian soul would fill a number of blog posts…

Think about it. When did it become ok to mock the tragedy of a country with caricatures under the cover of freedom of speech? Google it. Do you know a Russian personally or just by hearsay? The Russians you know – are they the cultivated kind or did you just happen to stumble upon scum? Can you name a hand full of Russian accomplishments or figures that aren’t associated with corruption or aggression? Do you really know what you’re talking about when you’re putting yourself out there with accusations and preconceptions?

#idautit

Anna

 

*I’ll leave it to you to add surnames.

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