Monthly Archives: December 2015

New year, new blahblah

I was going to write down one of my rants about girls on Instagram but then I thought nah Anna, you’re probably not in the position to judge, why don’t you take these last days of 2015 to spread a few deep words and end this year with a clear conscience? Ok, so let’s be thoughtful instead – I’ll get back to my rant sometime in the new year, promise!

I’m not a big fan of resolutions for a new year because I make some every couple of days – I don’t really keep to them, I forget about them until I remember and re-make them. Cycle closed, so why would I do the same thing at the end of the year? New year, new me – blahblah.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_6Att2HUiZ/?taken-by=girlcasm

Well, this time, I must admit that I’m getting a little sentimental somehow. That’s so not typically me and I don’t know where that comes from exactly. Maybe it has something to do with my perception of the time that we live in – kind of uncertain, kind of hostile, even if far far away from my own microcosm. But maybe it’s just that I have changed?

Usually I spend this day of the year anticipating its end or even go to bed early in order to wake up to a fresh start, to finally leave all of the frustrations and failures behind – the magic of a new beginning, a mental shed of whatever doesn’t feel right. Not a new me, but a lighter me. What’s done is done, you can’t change it and there is no point in regretting things from a book that is closed. Relieving, if you ask me. But this time I keep thinking and thinking about what I’d like to leave behind in this closing year and I can’t think of a single thing. Somehow, everything seems to be going the right way, even if with a detour or another. Weird. So, so weird.

And you know what? I’ve come to the point that this is probably how that satisfaction you sometimes hear about feels like – that hashtag blessed type of awareness that everything is fine, that life could be so so much worse, that you’re doing great even if not everything you do turns out the way you had planned it in a thousand resolutions before. I think that’s it. In that case we can make this thoughtful resolution thing a quick one – in the new year, I would like to:

  • complain less, thank more
  • have no fear
  • never forget what I bring to the table
  • be more patient
  • never be easily satisfied
  • demand more
  • be more generous with love and kindness towards my close circle – they are always the ones who can’t be considered enough

I’m sure I forgot ten other powerful resolutions to make, but you get what I mean – just be more of a balanced, satisfied and confident person, you know. Is that a plan? Not on this blog though, don’t get your hopes up – we’ll keep it mean and spoilt here. How about you? What do you think is a good resolution to make – not only for the new year, but any day of the year?

If we don’t hear from each other before 2016: I hope you have a great start into the new year, I wish that all the weight that the old one has brought to you falls off and I hope that you get a big share of that magic of new beginnings – there’s enough for all of us. Id’ like to thank the couple of you who read all of my posts, comment and, most importantly, get my sense of humor. I always appreciate any kind of feedback you give me – even the negative one, I promise – and I’m excited to implement it next year!

New Years are good for you, trust me.

Anna

 

P.s.: Find even more #girlcasm on Facebook!

Share This:

My favorite problem

I have a confession to make: I hate shopping. Prepare for a white girl post because I really need to know if I’m the only one here.

Shopping is great, right? There are so many things we’d love to have. We see something on Instagram – I wish I had that, too. We see a girl on the street – yo, snitch, where did you get that perfect coat from? We’re bored of our closet – it needs a total makeover! When I’m in my exam phase and don’t have the time to go shopping, it seems like there’s nothing I’d rather do – I sit around grouching about how I  hate my life and everybody who has the time for shopping. When I’m done with my exams, the first thing I do is go and look for something to ease my pent-up desires for something new.

When that day finally comes and I go out to save the economy, it quickly hits me that I actually f*cking hate shopping – how could I forget that?

The stench, the scramble. So many annoying people that I wish could just vanish into thin air. Crisis? Rough times? We seem to be doing f*cking great, judging from the number of bodies that I am forced to have physical contact with while making my way through the shops. Everybody is looking to lighten their wallets.

I know, I know – online shopping is a perfect way to avoid any kind of contact with people and can always be squeezed in – but it’s so sad. I scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll through pieces that I would love to have, need to have, can’t have every couple of days, but it’s not really satisfying. It’s missing the whole shopping experience. The touching of fabrics, the seeing straight away how perfect the dress looks on you, the physical exchange of too much money in return for a little piece of happiness. Online shopping is so clinical and mostly leeds to you spending even more, because you can’t directly feel the pain of parting with your money – it only hits you at the end of the month when you receive a friendly reminder of your credit card company. It’s a way of shopping that I try to only turn to when I’m on the verge to depression.

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/9JDC5ZnUqt/?taken-by=girlcasm

 

When you finally make your way to a changing room and start trying on your prospective discoveries, god forbid you catch a glimpse of your bare behind in the mirror – a sure way to ruin the day for you and your close ones. I swear there is nothing more scary than the reflection of my white, flabby ass inside that cramped, muggy changing cabin and the realization that my bum might not be my best feature, after all. Need. More. Squats. Put that down on your to-do list.

What next? Oh, yes, of course. Not my size. Was once my size, isn’t anymore, because nuts and cookies. Because no boobies where they should be. Because thunder thighs. Because sale is great but my size is always sold out long before I have the time to benefit from it. Because god wants to put me to the test. Because my life is always missing just that tiny bit of fairness. So many hours and nerves wasted because my body is a weirdo and a bitch that would never just make it easy for me.

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/_34-K1HUtc/?taken-by=girlcasm

 

To be fair, there are times when it’s the other way around. Everything fits, everything looks great on me – god, I look disgustingly cute in gaudy dresses with sparkly applications and matching doll heels. It feels just like that cruise collection was custom-tailored for me. The only problem is that the word cruise and everything that looks great on me always comes with a ridiculous price tag. Boohoohoo. Why are Stefano and Domenico doing this to me? Why wasn’t I born to be a muse? I really could be their muse, they just don’t know about it. And so I leave the store either devastated with crushed dreams or with a choking conscience – whatever though, there’s no point in being the richest bitch in the cemetery, right?

The good and bad thing is that I live so far away from fashionable cities that I rarely get in touch with these kinds of twinges of conscience. The shops here mostly bore me to death with their dreary selection and lack of colors, so I end up going home unsatisfied and frustrated, most of the time.

But being unsatisfied is a dangerous thing – just like men who go out and hit on a trashy girl even though they have the perfect one at home, I end up buying something just for the sake of not going home empty-handed. For this reason, yesterdays shopping spree came to an end with the following yield: bronzing powder and a teapot – two things that will always remain my size, yay me!

I hope you appreciate me sharing my innermost with you and I hope that you will always remember that behind the happiest face lie the darkest of secrets – stories of souls torn between incredible boredom and deep desires of consumerism that demand to be fed.

Life can be tough, sometimes.

Anna

 

If this feels familiar to you, you should come and join me on Facebook.

 

Share This:

Regret and resolutions

What comes straight after Christmas holidays, after having spent days and days around tables, killing off uncountable calories with your loved ones? Regret and resolutions. Because yes, it’s cool that god loves everybody no matter what, but nothing beats being able to look at yourself in the mirror and thinking that you’re not last on your imaginary list.

For me this year’s gluttony didn’t only start with the Christmas season, it has been slowly creeping upon me since when I got back to university in September. I can’t function without food, it is impossible for me to study and memorize things without eating in parallel because if I don’t munch on something while studying, I’ll just keep thinking about food all the time and thus never concentrate on what I should be focussing on. It’s ok, the boy, friends and family know about it, it’s something I’ve come to live with and learnt to cope with. I’ve come a long way from my really chubby teen years where I hated any kind of physical activity to still hating it but doing sports nevertheless because I know I need it in order to not look like somebody you’d make a mom joke about.

https://www.instagram.com/p/6W7676nUgY/?taken-by=girlcasm

But then when you have your exam phase you obviously have other priorities and have to skip gym most of the days in order to keep to your study plan and before you know it you’re 3 kg heavier. That’s what happens to me every exam phase and I’ve learned to live with this as well. But combined with Christmas holidays this has now left me with a whooping 4kg more on my ribs than in September and it’s not cute.

Now I know that there are girls out there who start out heavier or have all sorts of other reasons to roll their eyes when they hear somebody like me talk about weight gain in this way and I know that I’m not overweight – I have a boyfriend who claims to love me in every shape that I’m in, no matter how many bags of nuts lie between me and my summer body. But that’s not the point. My mission now is to lose those 4 kg again before I go back to university mid February – just to be able to gain them back during my next exam phase, at peace with myself because I know that this is all just calculated risk that I’m prepared for. Not too crazy, right?

A couple of months ago this spring when I was feeling rather unhappy about myself, I started out with Kayla and I can say for sure that it really works – it’s crazy how just a couple of home workouts every now and then really have an impact on your looks. I ended up looking too fit for my taste, if that makes sense, and also I f*cking hated all the jumping around. I never made it past week eight because I didn’t have the right equipment at home and was too embarrassed to do these things at the gym and have everybody watching me. Also, really, I f*cking hated all the jumping. My utmost respect to all the girls who stick to it and do it over and over again. It really does work, I promise – but I’m more the team lazy type of girl.

https://www.instagram.com/p/25ItkdnUu8/?taken-by=girlcasm

So where does that leave me for now? I’m quite good at sticking to something like a fitness routine. As soon as I’m back in the game, I can’t stop – it leaves me moody not to go to the gym when I’m really in my daily grind and I know that I can make this work as long as I can trick myself into thinking that I’m not doing too much. The real problem is to get there, especially now that my gym is closed until the 4th of January. This is too good of an excuse for me to continue eating and lazing around until I can go back there again. But I know that I shouldn’t, I know it would be too late.

I’ve decided to keep it with soft exercise at home and a little bit of running every now and then, focusing on what is most important to me, which are my legs and bum. I tend to lose weight everywhere where I don’t want to or need to lose it, like my belly and breasts – yaaay – while my legs are more like don’t worry girl, we’re here to stay. Also I’ve noticed that counting calories is key for me when I really want to get rid of a couple of kg – not the crazy kind but just enough pressure to remind me that yes, fruit are healthy, but nope, 4 kg or oranges in combination with another 2 kg of apples might be a little bit over the top.

It is and will always be important to me to get where I want to get in a healthy way, though. I’ve learned to accept that, no matter what, no matter how many pounds I lose, I will never look like a VS angel or model and that’s ok. This summer I’ve even made the experience that there is such a thing as too little weight for me and it wasn’t anywhere near critical, I just didn’t feel comfortable. I can now honestly say that skinny is not the goal for me – but I don’t judge if it is for you – my goal is to be fit enough to look good in all of that Agent Provocateur that I own but never wear because of all of the excuses that I can think of.

https://www.instagram.com/p/7GEr5eHUuO/?taken-by=girlcasm%20

I’m a freak, I need real closure and exact beginnings, which is why yes, I will only start tomorrow on a Monday – I believe in the magic of new weeks. You know – or I hope you know – that I’m working on making this here as personal and real as possible. So I was thinking – maybe I’m not the only one in this position and maybe you’d like me to keep track of my progress and setbacks? To me it always helps to see what normal people are dealing with, not those who are totally out of my reach in either direction. What to eat, what not to eat to be healthy? What exercise kills what amount in how much time? Like weekly reviews or something? In order to not overdo it with the daily belly posting, but still keep you and myself motivated? Let me know.

Routine is good for you, trust me.

Anna

 

P.s.: This mission is not a New Year’s resolution, but if you’re still looking for one: follow here 

 

Share This:

A sash, a tiara and a SEAT

If you don’t know who Steve Harvey is you should google him. That poor guy is not only currently the motive for memes on the internet, thanks to his tiny mishap at the Miss Universe pageant earlier this week, he is actually also quite funny – some of his videos really crack me up. What did he do? He accidentally announced Miss Columbia the winner of this event that I hope nobody really cares about, when really it was Miss Philippines who had won the votes. Yes, an awkward couple of minutes, I’m sure you’ve seen the video by now. And yes, I think we can all agree that this must have felt rather bad for the poor girl that had to give her crown back after just a few minutes of living her dream.

But you know me – I didn’t come to pity a bunch of pretty girls here. All awkwardness aside – you know what’ s really awkward? That this whole thing is such a big of a deal in the first place. Isn’t it weird that such an event still interests enough people for it to be broadcasted to this extent?

Don’t get me wrong – I know that some people are blessed with better looks and I do know that things might be easier at times when you look like a beauty queen rather than a caricature, but other than that? Being a model at least brings you cash, but being crowned Miss Universe? A sash, a tiara and a SEAT maybe? I don’t know… maybe I’m too lazy for my own good but it takes much more for me to even get dressed, let alone change more than once in one day.

https://www.instagram.com/p/_rHrThHUoQ/?taken-by=girlcasm%20

And here we are, year after year we crown one woman the best looking in the world, universe even. We make such a big deal of something that is not earned, it is given by birth. Again, no jealousy at all – but isn’t it crazy? The road these girls have to travel to even get to this place? As far as I’m informed at first you have to be like the prettiest in your village? To then have a chance to be the prettiest of a bigger city or region? And then state and country? I don’t know, maybe something is wrong with me but never ever would I compete in something that crowns me prettiest in some Bavarian disco. Judged by whom? A jury of self-proclaimed experts? And what comes after winning this? Obligations to run from one irrelevant event to the other, waving and smiling, showing off your face, sash and tiara.

Honestly, I can’t even tell you the difference between the looks of Miss Columbia and Miss Philippines – yes, they both seem attractive to me and yes they don’t seem to eat as many nuts as I do, but what makes one more Miss Universe than the other? When I think of how often a day I say to myself, wow, this girl is stunning, I really wouldn’t be able to pick somebody for such a title – and they rarely look like girls from a pageant. What is the satisfaction behind being crowned prettiest in a mass of interchangeable appearances?  Why do girls all over the world feel the need to parade in front of a bunch of random people, dressed in nothing but a bikini or tasteless sparkly dresses? What is their desire? What’s the honor of winning such a competition?

I’m not a feminist or something, but still – we’ve come such a long way in our attempts to change something in the position of women and yet we live in a time in which such a topic ridiculously prominently covered. I just don’t get it. I don’t get the desire of being acknowledged for something that is not earned, not achieved with a significant effort of pushing yourself beyond the limits of what comes to you easily – being acknowledged for something that nobody but a few housewives and teenage boys or maybe men in their midlife crisis care about.

You don’t need a sash or a tiara, trust me.

In this spirit – Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Anna

 

Click here for Facebook 

Share This:

Sharing is caring

A giveaway!!! OMG exciting, right? I’ll even make it more exciting for those of you who just came here for the giveaway: if you don’t want to, you don’t have to read the whole post with all of my reasons why I’m desperate enough to give something in return for you feedback on my blog – as a service to you, all of the important parts are bold so you can just skip most of it. You’re welcome. And for those of you who are looking for a little bit more structure in their lives, please read on:

What can you win?

A nail polish – a red Lotus Rouge 455 or a rose Rose Caché 521 one, so that makes two winners, if my calculus is right. Now I’m well aware that while it says Chanel, it’s far away from a Chanel bag – but I’m still at a point in my life where I think that nobody needs a new bag as much as I do, I hope you understand. Also I had to fight my way through crazy Christmas shoppers just to get these two so I hope we can make this count as a symbol for my appreciation for your participation, an incentive, to make this sound semi-professional. And you know what? Sometimes I do things just to win, no matter what – ha.

I’ve picked nail polish because I myself am crazy about Chanel nail polish and think that a girl can never have enough of it. So even male readers – if I haven’t lost you somewhere between my posts about Speedy bags or contraception already – you can win and give it to your girlfriend. If your girlfriend doesn’t like nail polish then I advise you to run away from that crazy snitch.

 

Why am I doing a giveaway?

Well, I’ve just started this blog after years and years of gently being pushed by my friends and then boyfriend. At first I didn’t tell anyone but when I did, feedback started to come, even from people that I don’t know and now it’s getting more and more fun – I enjoy sharing whatever just comes to my mind, as insignificant as it mostly is and I enjoy every reaction I get. A couple of days ago somebody told me that my attitude sucked and, in a weird way, I enjoyed that, too. Because feedback is great, no matter what kind of feedback. So here it is: I would like to ask you for your feedback. As soon as my exams are over, I want to put more time and effort into this blog and before I do that, I’d like to hear what you think where I’m missing something.

What kind of feedback am I talking about?

This is important: constructive feedback. I mean I am getting feedback of people telling me that they like reading my posts and it’ really nice – thank you to those who already texted me some nice words for taking your time to do so! With this giveaway I am hoping to encourage those of you wouldn’t normally give feedback and also those who are willing to give constructive or negative feedback. It doesn’t have to be a novel, just whatever comes to your mind straight away. Like – what do you like more, what do you like less about my posts? Is there something I should add, something I should stop? Like – should I add Snapchat, should I start forcing my boyfriend to take outfit pictures of me? Do I offend you with most of my stuff or do you think I should even turn it up a little? Are my posts too long, too short? You get the idea. I also know that I should work on the pictures that I share – but, as mentioned a 100 times already, I’m currently trying to pass my exams, so food is really the most exciting thing that happens to me at the moment. Of course I’ll let you participate in the giveaway if you only have nice things to say. Also, maybe also those of you who don’t follow me but periodically check my account and read my stuff – I see you, even if you think you’ve unliked the post quickly enough… – maybe you’d like to share what’s missing for you to officially follow 🙂

How can you win?

You don’t have to like my Instagram @girlcasm, you don’t have to follow me on Facebook and you don’t have to share anything. But you’ll have to make sure I receive your feedback. So the options are: the comment section on Instagram or a private message there, a comment on Facebook or a private message there. You can also write me an email via girlcasm@gmail.com or you can send me a snap via Snapchat @chaotete. Or you can comment any kind of post here. You can also come and find me and tell it to my face 🙂 Whatever floats your goat. I guess these are the possibilities… But you get the idea. I don’t mind if it’s public or not, I just need to read it. And please make sure to mention if you’d prefer the rose or the red polish.

How do I pick the winner?

Absolutely randomly. It has nothing to do with the length of your feedback, nor with it’s quality. I’d also like to point out that I will treat everybody equally, so negative and positive comments are appreciated alike and you have the same chance to win, whether your feedback is covered in sugar or with an additional sprinkle of b*tch. Please be honest! I might count your feedback and thus name twice in the draw, though, if you decide to tag, mention or share me somewhere – but pssssht.

When does it end?

I think until Friday the 18th of December 23:59 CET is a good time – so I can make sure the winners get their goodie just in time for Christmas.

So I guess that’s it…I’m looking forward to reading from you!

Your feedback is valuable, always.

Anna

Share This: