Girls, I hate to break it to you – you know I don’t, but seriously, some of you might have to sit down for this one: natural will always beat fake. Always. Like really. Positive. Yes. Always. Just always.
I kinda hesitated talking about this topic because of course I have a lot of friends and acquaintances and thus readers who will be concerned but then, you know, I always have to remind myself that I choose not to have a so called lifestyle blog for a reason so I will go there anyway and hope they will not leave me, just the way they didn’t leave me after my little Speedy bag rant…
So… natural – what do you mean? Oh you know, just plain old, natural beauty. Remember? Like no plastic, not fake, just you and what your mama gave ya – not more, not less, fair game.
Sure, me too, I feel naked without my mascara and I feel uncomfortable AF if a pimple decides to position itself right in the center of my face – but where is the limit? For me it is just there, I really don’t use more than mascara, a hint of bronzer and a little lipstick now and then. Eyeliner if I try to look special. Oh, and my brow shaper because I like thick eyebrows. You know, the way they were before people started plucking them until they were just a sad line of fluff above the eyes. I don’t mind contouring and highlighting either, as long as you know what you’re doing and not just painting your face. A memo to a lot of girls out there: an orange face never looks good and your pimples don’t look more appetizing accentuated by a thick layer of makeup. You’re welcome.
What don’t I have, what don’t I use, what wouldn’t I do? The list is long and I’m afraid it’s not final, but it encompasses dying my hair or getting extensions, permanent makeup, fake lashes, botox or any kind of permanent facial intervention like a face lift, fake nails, fake boobs, lipos, piercings, tattoos, …
Now I know that dyed hair is common and really not a biggy anymore but I still would never do it. First, because I believe that what we were born with what suits our face most, second because I’m a lazy person – I don’t want to become a slave to an outgrowing hairline, it always looks so trashy. So do poor highlights. Extensions are the mother of trashy. If you’re not rich AF and can afford having them treated regularly, you quickly end up looking wretched with that huge f*cking nest of fake hair sticking out of the back of your head.
Permanent makeup is just wow. The greenish lines you call eyebrows or lip contour remind me of Russian convicts… is this what you are going for? And other permanent treatments, fillers, liftings, botox – even if they don’t go terribly wrong like in some cases, little after little you’ll end up looking like everybody else who does it. No facial expressions, just a puffy, abused face – not younger, not pretty, just sad. You can spot those people from afar, I don’t know what they are thinking. I’m special, they won’t f*ck my face up like they did with others?
Not much to say about fake lashes except for that it’s sad that you can’t appreciate a clean, pure and natural face anymore Fake nails, though…no understanding at all. I’ve never seen fake nails that looked good, always like thick chunks of plastic glued to fingertips. Is that pretty? Again, you’re making yourself a slave, because as soon as they grow out or one breaks your hands look disgusting until you fix it. That never happens with natural nails. If you’re bad at keeping them tidy, the best is to keep them completely short and natural, with just a little nail polish if you have the time. It always looks neat and it’s also hygienic – I don’t want to imagine what is breeding under those long claws of yours. Ever seen people who really work with their hands, do something useful? Not construction workers, I mean doctors or mothers – they don’t have neither time nor use for such ideas. So go get a real job or something.
Boob jobs… as a girl with two humble friends up there, trust me, I get it. Me too I sometimes wish I had those arguments working for me, me too I sometimes can’t believe I wasn’t born looking like Emily Ratajkowski, but honestly: fake boobs just look terrible. They look like two plastic lumps sticking out of our body. People will never see you as the girl with big boobs, they’ll see you as the girl with fake boobs. And that’s not a good thing. Ask a man what he prefers – small ones that feel natural or fake ones that feel super weird and hard? If he’s not braindead, trust me, he will tell you to just chill and find other problems. And lipos? Trust me, that I get, totally. Me too I am thinking about it regularly and I wish it was as easy as it sounded. But besides the fact that I want to keep the risk of other people f*cking me up at a minimum and thus avoid any kind of surgical intervention, I have also heard that it never works out the way you wanted it to work out – because those nasty fat cells then start to grow in places you never had them before, shortly after the operation? If you don’t stop binging like a pig – why would you? – you’ll grow everything back anyway. I know it hurts to realize, but the best way to lose those pounds might be hard work and dedication after all… but at least you’ll have something to be proud of as soon as you finish. Or so they say.
Finally, piercings and tattoos. I used to have a navel piercing. Yes, I was that kind of girl and I would have gotten myself snakebites as well – shoutout to all you emos out there – if my parents hadn’t threatened to never ever buy me clothes again if I did. Yes, I have a prize. And I’m so incredibly happy about that now. I took out my belly deco when I was 18 years old because I realized I looked trashy. And so does any other piercing as well. My parents always told me that only ugly people have piercings and tattoos to draw attention to them, and I guess they have a point. I’m sorry. It just doesn’t look good. Not now and certainly not 40 years from now. Not your cute tiny symbol for infinity on your wrist and certainly not your tribal or Chinese nonsense, not your super deep line with your bestie and definitely not a huge colorful fleur-de-lis all over your f*cking back.
So I guess it all comes down to trashy. If you don’t believe me, go out and ask a man, just a random, decent man – what does he prefer? Sure, lalala, you’re doing it for yourself lalala and whatever. But just like kids, men are simple and blunt in their opinion when it comes to this. And sometimes simple is just way better than anything. Don’t be trashy, be natural. Don’t overdo it, save the fuzz for a special occasion.
Natural is good for you, trust me.
P.s.: I know for a fact that many people will be offended so here’s my disclaimer :* But if you agree, why don’t you give me a casual like on Facebook? Happy to hear your opinion.