It’s Thursday, which traditionally – in Germany and Switzerland – is Germany’s Next Topmodel Day: the day for girls to either cheer for their fav girl or wonder how 80% of the girls even got there (She so doesn’t look like a model, wtf? I know at least ten girls who are so much more special than her!), for guys to exchange brainless comments about the dos and don’ts of smashing a 14-year-old (go, you! – especially those of you who never ever get laid, ever) and for absolutely everybody to find yet another reason to hate on Heidi Klum – can’t she shut up, retire and treat herself to like a bazillion burgers already?
I’m not going to deny it – there was a time when GNTM was part of my weekly routine, too. I had my peak some year during my Bachelor’s studies when we regularly met to watch it all together in a group of about ten girls, just shouting out whatever came to our mind. You know, the usual: How misshapen is that girl’s body? Her face is so f*cking ordinary, I’m more of a model than she is. God, she’s so dumb. How can somebody be so annoying? Can’t she f*cking go home already? So bitchy, so much fun. Aww…When was that? 2012? I miss you girls!!
Anyway. Life happens and everybody goes away – for an exchange, for an internship, all spread in all four corners of the world. A new year comes, a new season of GNTM starts and we’re all slightly excited, thinking back of the fun evenings we had, watching it together. We exchange hearts and exclamation points over Whatsapp, sit down to watch it, all alone in front of our TV and then it hits us: What a waste of time.
Of course. Another bunch of minors, same stories, same shootings, same challenges, same ‘problems’. Everybody’s shocked about having their hair cut off, somebody doesn’t want to pose nude for religious reasons and two girls are having huge problems kissing a male model because of their boyfriends at home – once succeeds, one doesn’t, Heidi is disappointed, boohoohoo. There’s always one whose runway walk resembles a newborn calf and another annoying one who’s flabbergasted realizing that a little acting is part of the job, too. Like, the fu*ck? Even I with my short-as-they-get legs know that being a model is not just about being called gorgeous and gracing the cover of Vogue with the same old pose every now and then. It’s a good thing I have nothing to say around there, I would just randomly send everybody home whoever dared to not get the basics right, together with telling them to get over the fact that they are just as ordinary as everybody else and that it’s not the f*cking end of the world.
I know, Anna chill – it’s a show, they have to be annoying to be entertaining and if they aren’t, the producers will make them look really dumb, obnoxious or whatever. I get that.
What I don’t get is why you’d want to be a part of this – a waste of time. Why your desire to be praised for your looks is so big, you want to be part of something that lives on mocking you. Nobody cares about you succeeding or not. If you’re not entertaining enough for whatever reason, you’re of no value, to nobody. ProSieben didn’t even have the decency to show all of the girls (who had made it to their public voting on the website) on screen during their first TV show, leaving the explanation as to why they never showed up on screen to the girls.
I know we have all of these great examples of people being super successful without ever getting a degree and I know we have even more examples of people having a degree but not being capable of doing anything, but seeing girls who call being a model their dream and crying when they have to leave the cash cow that is XY-NTM makes me genuinely sad. I wish somebody told them that there is so much more to life and their capabilities than being acknowledged for a good physique and pretty face – you can keep the cheese, it’s complimentary – and that yes, being attractive can open the most awesome doors, but even more with another backup. Like, why not be the girl who has it all – a finance degree and the body of a model? And I mean, it’s not like I go to university because I love studying things of which I’ll probably never get to use about 90% in my entire professional career…
I obviously don’t qualify for either, neither a career as a model (let’s establish ‘snack size model’, everybody?) nor anything close to juggling numbers, but at least I have a plan B in case my dream career doesn’t work out. But who am I kidding – Anna Wintour, your days are counted.
Always have a plan B, trust me.
EDIT: I just watched it and I’d like to add: Wow, Heidi – you’re such an old witch.
P.s.: Dreaming of being a model and offended now? Please consult my disclaimer. Totes agree with what I’m saying? You should visit me on Facebook. Anything in between? Love to hear your thoughts in the comment section xx