Monthly Archives: February 2017

Oh Healthy Day

Juice cleanses. Super trendy, super healthy, super super, super everything. I can’t remember how many of them I have already started in my life, but I can exactly tell you how many of them I have finished: none.

Call me weak, call me a foodie or just a gluttonous pig, but I just can’t seem to be able to pull through, no matter what I do. Either I’ll find an excuse – ever tried only drinking juice during that time of the month? I almost lost my mind in the first five minutes of my cleanse – or I’ll try to trick my body but my body won’t follow: I remember an attempt where, in the night after day three, what they usually call the magical threshold, I woke up in bed, unable to move, weak as never before in life, woke up my boyfriend and begged him to bring me something to eat. He brought me the cake I had baked for him hours before. I ate all of it. End of story.

Anyway. I’ve tried a couple of times, really. I have shown my best will, I’ve tried to trick myself over and over again but it has never worked. Never ever. I think I have finally come to accept that I’m just not that kind of person.

But just like with other things before, I couldn’t get over it. The failure and all. I kept and kept thinking about it. Why? Why can’t I do it? Why can every girl out there do it, why can’t I be like them?

Whatever it is that separates me from the rest of them, I have found a way to make peace with myself and if you’re a weak person like me, this might be something for you, too: Detox Delight Healthy Days.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Healthy Days. Sounds amazing. The idea is to just have one juice cleanse day, whenever you feel like it, and eat normally the day after. No failure, no self-hate, just an easy peasy healthy day. No pressure. Amazing.

And super convenient, too. You order it for whatever day you like and it arrives early in the morning, before you have the time to think about food, ready for you to survive your day running on juice only – five juices, one nut milk, that is.

I tried the Super Green Delight version because I thought if I only do one day I should really go all in. I have to tell you that all of the juices were very sweet nevertheless and all had a touch of citrus, so I didn’t have to struggle through some muddy green fluids. Being a nut lover, of course, the nut milk was my highlight – cashews, cinnamon and stevia. I could drink it on a daily basis.

What can I say. I tried and it worked. Of course I suffered a little, but at least I managed to pull through this time. Finally a sense of achievement. And not a financial disaster like the other couple of times, when I ordered five days but only ever got to day one, two or three.

Personally, I can say that this is the right – and only – way to go for me: A juice day now and then, whenever I feel down, and an otherwise normal eating behavior the rest of the time…whatever that is. Finally I found a way to be happy for all the snitches out there who can pull through a whole 5-day juice cleanse. Good for them, right? Good. For. Them.

A Healthy Day now and then is better than nothing, trust me.


P.s.: Did you know I’m on Facebook, too?

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All hail the queen

What an exciting time we live in. A time where the question Do you remember the moment when Beyoncé announced her pregnancy with twins? is almost as relevant as the question Do you remember what you were doing on 9/11, when the planes crashed into the towers? used to be.

So…do you? I’m sure you know at least one person who does. Because people are crazy, and sometimes it scares me.

So yeah, Beyoncé got pregnant. Big news. First thing that always comes to my mind when celebrities have kids is – aha, in vitro fertilization, but I guess that makes me a bit crazy, too, so… (Because IVF often leads to twins – take RF, he has two sets of identical twins)

Anyway – is it really that big a piece of news? I know that we tend to get a little overexcited and weird on the internet, but really? Do you really care so much, you have to repost it, give it hearts and everything? Give her the feedback she clearly was aiming at, the one – isn’t it sad?? – she was sure to get from her weirdly staged pregnancy shoot?

Sure, it puts a little bit of pressure on the rest of us. In my world, a lot of people seem to be into weird pregnancy shoots – couple things, the ones where the husbands stand behind their preggo wives and lovingly stroke the oven. It gives me shivers. I love pregnant women, to me each and everyone of them looks beautiful, but I think one simple picture of her is enough and a better memory than a weird couple shoot, but I guess that’s a matter of individual taste. And then there comes Beyoncé, all VOGUE and stuff. Thx Bey, can’t wait for all the desperate housewives showing up to their upcoming shoots bearing veils and flowers.

I don’t know. Personally, I’m just not a fan of this orchestration of something natural. Sure, it’s an amazing thing to happen to every mother – but isn’t it weird not to be able to announce something ordinary (yet amazing) in just a casual, normal way? Not to have a choice but to make profit from every single step of your life, including your kids?

Imagine what Beyoncé’s life must be – excuse my vulgarity, but I can’t help but imagine how every time she takes a dump, she’s thinking about how to make it a huge publicity stunt. Like, I’m gonna put a ton of flowers there, Ivy Blue will have to hand me the paper from this angle over there and I’ll wear a veil in pale rose this time, so everybody understands that I’m all about fresh air and roses.

And the next thing I imagine is her reaction when she sees everybody going crazy over a tiny piece of ‘news’ of hers. Lol, peasants.

And as sick and annoying as this seems to me, she’s obviously doing something right. As soon as one of her pictures is online for a sec, everybody is going crazy, reposting and crying of joy – omg YAS Queen Bey has spoken, and what a revelation it is.

So she’s getting twins now. That’s it. Am I really the only one who couldn’t be bothered by this piece of news? Feels like it, seeing how my whole feed is full of it, days after the news. F*cking chill, people. Go out and feel happy for the news somebody of your closer circle has. I bet when that acquaintance from a couple of years ago announces her pregnancy on Facebook, the same people are close to choking on their negative comments about that person, letting that gossip group chat go wild. But hey, it’s Queen Bey.

Who is she to you, anyway? Calm your tits. I get it if you like her music – even though to me her work is getting more and more overrated – but that doesn’t obligate you to go nuts whenever she announces something personal, I promise.

Go out and be your own queen, trust me.


P.s.: I’m not a queen, but I could still use a like on Facebook. xoxo


Pic via Instagram

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What’s Gucci?

I know I’m totes late on this one, but can we quickly talk about the currently infamous Gucci shirt? In some ridiculous attempt to be a more cheery, less critical version of myself – new year, new me, blahblah – I have kept silent about it, even though of course I do have an opinion about it, as you probably do, too.

Thankfully, I know that you love me at my worst, which is why, what the hell, let me get this off my chest real quick:

The Gucci shirt…I’m sure it doesn’t need an introduction – if social media is your staff of life, you will already have seen it on uncountable occasions. It’s everywhere, you can’t escape – and you love it or you hate it, there’s not in between.

Me, of course, I love it. I’m more of a victim than I’d like to admit to myself.

I mean…I don’t love it, I like it – I could never feel love for a piece of cotton worth a couple hundred of dollars. But it is, apparently. 390€ and sold out – and everybody’s complaining that we’re living in rough economical times. If you ask me, too many people out there are living a crazy good life if spending 400€ on an ordinary shirt is something they consider reasonable. 400 f*cking €. I’m still shocked every time I think about it, because I really was naive enough to think it would cost ‘a crazy 200€’. Cute.

But the price is not what pisses me of. I’m happy for the people who can afford to spend such an amount of money on a simple piece of cloth (disclaimer: of course this is a lie, you cow). Go you for, besides having that bit of spare cash on your hand, being able to ignore sanity screaming on top of its lungs. And honestly, go Gucci, for making so many people want something so simple so badly.

What is starting to annoy me about this shirt is the frequency in which I see it – and the way in which I see it. Enough already.

To be fair – if I ever decided to spend a good part of an overpriced bag on a t-shirt, I’d probably wear the sh*t out of it, too. You’d never see me wear anything else, ever again. 24/7, 365 days straight.

But everything has a date of expiry, especially hypes like this genius Gucci coup. And it’s been too long, seriously – since shortly after Christmas? It feels like another lifetime. I almost feel bad for everybody who is still wearing it on the regular, taking such a satisfaction of shoving it in our faces for yet another time. I mean, let’s be honest – it’s not THAT special. As I said, I do like it, but it’s still a simple f*cking shirt with a washed-off print. It’s time we all calm our tits and forget about it slowly but surely, don’t you think?

And then…why is it that the only way to style this shirt seems to be either pairing it with torn jeans or a patent leather skirt? And no matter which of those vast options you chose, you should not, under no circumstances – do you hear me?? – forget the fishnet tights. The shirt won’t work any other way. Amazing. Or how another wise woman would put it – groundbreaking.

So yeah… coming from a, maybe, slightly jealous place, here’s my plea: Can’t you make it just a little bit more exciting for us? Those of us who have no other choice but look at your feed, marveling at your wardrobe? Can we, like, agree on a max posting frequency of one and the same shirt? Or can we just stop posting it all together already? I promise, I’ll be just as jealous about your other stuff, but please, give me some new hype to make my life seem just a little bit more miserable, I’m tired of this one.

What do you think? Let me know what you’d buy for the price of this shirt 🙂

Don’t ignore the date of expiry, trust me.



P.s.: care to follow along on Facebook or share the love? xoxo

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