Category Archives: Health & Fitness

Oh Healthy Day

Juice cleanses. Super trendy, super healthy, super super, super everything. I can’t remember how many of them I have already started in my life, but I can exactly tell you how many of them I have finished: none.

Call me weak, call me a foodie or just a gluttonous pig, but I just can’t seem to be able to pull through, no matter what I do. Either I’ll find an excuse – ever tried only drinking juice during that time of the month? I almost lost my mind in the first five minutes of my cleanse – or I’ll try to trick my body but my body won’t follow: I remember an attempt where, in the night after day three, what they usually call the magical threshold, I woke up in bed, unable to move, weak as never before in life, woke up my boyfriend and begged him to bring me something to eat. He brought me the cake I had baked for him hours before. I ate all of it. End of story.

Anyway. I’ve tried a couple of times, really. I have shown my best will, I’ve tried to trick myself over and over again but it has never worked. Never ever. I think I have finally come to accept that I’m just not that kind of person.

But just like with other things before, I couldn’t get over it. The failure and all. I kept and kept thinking about it. Why? Why can’t I do it? Why can every girl out there do it, why can’t I be like them?

Whatever it is that separates me from the rest of them, I have found a way to make peace with myself and if you’re a weak person like me, this might be something for you, too: Detox Delight Healthy Days.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Healthy Days. Sounds amazing. The idea is to just have one juice cleanse day, whenever you feel like it, and eat normally the day after. No failure, no self-hate, just an easy peasy healthy day. No pressure. Amazing.

And super convenient, too. You order it for whatever day you like and it arrives early in the morning, before you have the time to think about food, ready for you to survive your day running on juice only – five juices, one nut milk, that is.

I tried the Super Green Delight version because I thought if I only do one day I should really go all in. I have to tell you that all of the juices were very sweet nevertheless and all had a touch of citrus, so I didn’t have to struggle through some muddy green fluids. Being a nut lover, of course, the nut milk was my highlight – cashews, cinnamon and stevia. I could drink it on a daily basis.

What can I say. I tried and it worked. Of course I suffered a little, but at least I managed to pull through this time. Finally a sense of achievement. And not a financial disaster like the other couple of times, when I ordered five days but only ever got to day one, two or three.

Personally, I can say that this is the right – and only – way to go for me: A juice day now and then, whenever I feel down, and an otherwise normal eating behavior the rest of the time…whatever that is. Finally I found a way to be happy for all the snitches out there who can pull through a whole 5-day juice cleanse. Good for them, right? Good. For. Them.

A Healthy Day now and then is better than nothing, trust me.

Anna

P.s.: Did you know I’m on Facebook, too?

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They don’t call it balance for nothing

You know how time and  time again you come across a social phenomenon you notice and catch yourself thinking – really? Are there still people falling for this / acting this way? Like girls who cry their eyes out because it took them forever to realize they fell for a f*ckboy. Or people, who don’t really know a single Russian person, think that Russians are evil just because everybody tells them so (personal issue here). Or those smart cookies who think that their bag of nuts is special because it says gluten free. Wow.

I had such a WOW moment the other day, when I came across a magazine promising a new way of dieting on its cover. Like… seriously? You people still need somebody to tell you how to lose weight? Wow. I mean…good for the people who can make a living off making a secret of something logical but you can just ask me the next time and spend the money on something else. (Not candy, ideally.)

You know I’m always here for you if you need any kind of advice, so here’s how it goes:

First of all: dieting sucks. Not having the body you desire sucks. Seeing a skinny bitch eating and not gaining weight sucks. Gaining weight just by looking at things – like I know you’re probably convinced it works with you – sucks. Having cravings 24/7 sucks. The perspective of having to put a shitload of work into changing that sucks immensely and so does not having as much discipline and dedication as everybody else seems to have.

But there’s good news, too: it’s not rocket science. The secret in losing weight is simple – it’s basic calculus. Yep, I know – sounds shitty again, but that’s kind of no surprise, is it? Maths suck and so does shedding weight, so at least there’s kind of a pattern here. Some call it balance, to make it sound less scary, but that’s basically the same thing. And that’s all, (almost) no other secret behind it.

That being said, you can do it without spending money on advice. Without buying e-Books, without buying magazines in the first days of January. All you’ll have to do is count or even just estimate. No need to count calories (or macros, god forbid), except if you’re an annoyingly obsessive person, which I totally understand and will never judge – whatever works for you, go you.

But to come to the point: If you eat like a hamster, you’ll look like a hamster – except if you’ll put an equal amount of effort in working your *ss off. Addition, subtraction, result. And that’s it. The sad truth and nothing but the truth.

Now before somebody starts crying like I know you usually do when I call something by its name: I consider myself a hamster, too, even if I know that some might not. Hamster does not equal to fat, it’s just a symbol. Most of my friends don’t know me without traces of food coating my oral cavity so I do know the struggle. Just as much, I think it’s totally ok to be a hamster, with or without the rat race – this is not a way of me saying that changing your physical appearance is necessary just because you don’t look like straight from a VS runway. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and this is not the point of this rant here.

But it makes me angry to see how people take advantage of somebody’s desire to lose weight, acting like there was a big secret behind it, something we don’t already know. We do know, even if, again, it sucks to know that it is all in our hands, basically.

A couple of days ago I saw one of those ‘I lost so much weight and girls you can, too – the secret is easy – go vegan’ posts and I really had to catch myself for a sec there. Breathe in, breathe out. Yes, it might be true, you might see some results after switching to a vegan diet – but I hope you don’t think that this can’t happen if you stick to a normal, not obsessive, balanced diet including everything, even an occasional slice of pizza or whatever sugary products float your goat, do you? It can and it will, if you keep your balance in mind. Just don’t overdo it. Or if you do, punish yourself, if you absolutely need to. Go crazy at the gym. Go for a nasty run. Hate yourself, blame yourself, whatever. And then get over it.

So I guess what I meant to say is – they don’t call it balance for nothing. That’s all you need to know, basically. Of course there’s food that is better for you than other food might be and there’s foods your body might process better than others  – but you don’t need to spend money on that information, do you? And you don’t need somebody to talk you into a lifestyle that doesn’t come to you naturally, just because it promises to make you lose some weight – and gain a sh*tload of energy or whatever else they offer as additional goodies.

The beauty of a simple balance – or calculus – is that it’s in your hands to work the cranks – now isn’t that good news?

Eat everybody who’s trying to sell you dieting secrets, trust me.

Anna

 

P.s.: Come share the love on Facebook – if you don’t share it, at least like it. xoxo

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AA

I was born with small breasts. Like everybody else, you know. No biggie.

It started to become a big deal not too late in my life, though. Because they just didn’t seem to grow. At the age of about eight I still had nothing worth mentioning, while my best friend at that time already had quite a lot to show. She had to wear a bra and I was convinced that this was the way it was supposed to be. I hated my body for not playing by the rules, at the age of eight. As a logical consequence I started pulling the tiny mass that had built around my nipples on a daily basis, hoping that this would help.

It didn’t. Some time around the age of 12 I still had ridiculously small boobs. By that time EVERYBODY was wearing bras at school so I got myself some, too. You know, the ones from H&M with the pads about as thick as a hand? That looked super funny if you didn’t have enough to fill them with? Yeah… it helped a little if you stuffed them with toilet paper, just the right amount to max out the full potential while not risking for the paper to stick out during class. So stressful, but I managed for nobody to notice – at least I thought so.

About a year later it finally happened. They had grown. Significantly. They were still ridiculously small, but all of my wishful thinking must have worked, because people were starting to notice and make fun of me, asking if I had started padding them with toilet paper. Even my mother asked. And so did a guy from my class who had always called me double A. Luckily he wasn’t exactly handsome so I could focus all my energy on wondering where a person with a face like his might get all the self-confidence from, making fun of other people. That’s a 75B, you loser.

If you ask me, I swear they didn’t grow any more since I was 13. What can I say – years went by and I have learnt to live with them. Learn seems like a harsh word now, but I guess that’s exactly what happened, as miserable as it sounds: as soon as I realized that no man ever seemed to mind going snack size, everything was ok. Yay me. Who would have known that I’d grow up to become a woman confident enough to share even such embarrassing details as all of those above with you.

There were times when I was super tempted to help those sad little stepchildren with hormones, but you know what my opinion on the pill is. There were times when I was absolutely sure I’d end up having them cut and stuffed like a turkey, but then I came back to my senses, remembering what my opinion on all kinds of plastic surgery is. Phew. Imagine me running around with two beachballs, just because maybe one out of 10 men is enough of a shmuck to prefer stiff watermelons over the real, modest but natural deal…

Anyway, why all these details, here and now?

For one, I know that there are girls out there who are thinking about getting something done, starting at the age of about 14, waiting to finally turn 18 and old enough not to ask their parents for permission. I know that there are women out there who never quite seem to get the thought out of their heads, that a little more might be just the only thing missing in order to be fully confident – even if, in fact, they already have ‘enough’.

And isn’t that sad? To be living in such a dark state of mind, instead of appreciating the amazing fact that you never have a problem finding a pretty (not pretty scary) bra? Ask your friend with the huge tits and she’ll tell you her own mission impossible. Instead of appreciating the fact that yours will probably never sag and forever look like two young chicks? Ask your friends with huge boobs, many of them will soon be picking up theirs from the floor. Instead of appreciating that sleeping is not a problem and so isn’t running and standing. Ask your friend with the huge tatas, she’ll tell you something about back pain and how she’s fantasizing about a reduction. And finally, instead of appreciating that looking tacky is never an issue – I can wear slits down to my navel and still look more modest than Pam A sporting a turtleneck. #freethenipple

And second, I just came back from my first mammography (aka the soft version of it, for females under 40, which only includes ultrasound and extensive scanning by hand) ever and decided to warmly recommend it to you. Besides having my two little girls massaged and scanned by hand for a considerably longer time than the usual five seconds at the gynecologist, the procedure involved ultrasound and detailed conversation about my breasts and their inner life, which by the way is always the same, no matter what size. Apart from being left at ease for the rest of the year, I learnt a little more about my body, which is always fascinating. And necessary.*

So if any of this sounded familiar to you, here, this is your sign: instead of wondering a second more about the size of any of your body parts, make sure they are healthy first. Because breast cancer is the most frequent type of cancer for women in many countries. And because, to put it simply, being healthy is pretty damn sexy.

Don’t get me wrong – me too, I find big boobs beautiful. Sometimes I find myself staring at them, too. I sure wouldn’t mind having them and I’d appreciate them just as much as those I am equipped with. Just see this as a little pep talk to those in need.

Let me know if you think that I’m overcautious or just leave a compassionate hi for my boobies – I always appreciate your feedback.

Enjoyment come in all shapes and sizes, trust me.

Anna

 

P.s.: Did you know that some companies won’t work with me because y’all don’t follow @girlcasm on Facebook? If it’s really such a big of a deal for you to hit that sad button, I hope at least you feel bad for not doing so. xoxo

*If you’re young and you feel like your gynecologist is spending a sufficient amount of time on scanning your breasts (more than a couple of seconds of touching), this might be enough for you and your needs. I don’t say you have to freak out and walk around being afraid of cancer, I’m just saying you should ask yourself if your doctor is doing what he can to make sure you’re ok. Another option could be to ask him to perform a more thorough scan by hand, depending on your needs and situation. Also, make sure to be aware of changes you notice yourself.

Pic credit: love.watts

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Crushin #4: Morena

It’s been over a month since I last said something really positive on here, which is why it’s time for me to introduce you to another crush of mine. I’m quite sure that the Swiss readers among you will know her, but for the rest of the world, I think she belongs to those people you can’t mention enough. So without further ado, please meet Morena, also known as m0reniita.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BHfYulIg6U4/?taken-by=m0reniita%20

Why is she my crush? Well, first of all, look at that face. That hair. That positive attitude she radiates, with or without makeup. Beautiful, I know. But enough with the superficial compliments – the world is full of beautiful girls, especially when you’re a social media regular, right? One, two filters, the right position and light and BAM! – no big deal. We’re all stunning on Instagram.

So let’s get to the real point. Why is she my crush?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJyMiRZAWRS/?taken-by=m0reniita%20

She’s real. She’s brave. She’s what I’m trying to be with words, only with action. She’s a total badass, honestly, every time I see one of her pictures I get an urge to cuddle her, like real hard, and say thank you. Scream thank you. F*cking thank you, Morena.

Not having the perfect abs and feeling no shame for that? Talking about it? Showing it off? I totally respect that. I admire that. I’m aiming for that. Yes, me too, I joke about the fact that I’ve never been in a perfect shape or how I can never say no to food. But taking a picture of me in a bikini, just chilling there with my rolls, and posting it on Instagram? God forbid. Not because I don’t know exactly that it’s the most normal thing in the world for rolls to form when sitting down, even with very skinny people, but because I just don’t feel comfortable enough showing it off. I know it’s silly and I know I urgently need to grow up and forget such thoughts, but I guess I’ll just need another couple of months? years? for that.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKlnfRlghHN/?taken-by=m0reniita%20

And it’s not about stopping to care about fitness and health. It’s not about having found a legit excuse not to exercise or to eat whatever the f*ck you want. It’s about being happy and not beating yourself up too much with your own physical appearance. It’s about gaining so much life quality and a huge piece of sanity back, just from relaxing the way you look at yourself. It’s crazy slash sad slash absolutely ridic, but it’s true that many of us often have trouble loving ourselves and our bodies the way they are – so if you feel insecure about whatever silly reason that has something to do with your physical appearance, I strongly advise you to follow Morena on Instagram. To me, every time I see one of her posts, it’s like a reminder. Girl, you’re beautiful, with or without that piece of cake you’ve been trying to avoid all day. F*ckin’ chill.

So thank you, Morena, for being brave enough to show all of us that looking like a skinny blogger with changing outfits is not the goal. Self-love is. Thank you for being unapologetic about your ‘flaws’, even if you too probably suffer from self-doubt from time to time. And thank you for reminding us to be as nice to ourselves as we were taught to be with others.

But enough with the cheese, I got a little carried away there. On another note, she also seems to be a really nice person, which is obviously not my repertoire but probably something many people might feel inspired by. She’s also a very rhythmic dancer, which is definitely something a lot of your stiff german-speaking hips could learn a thing or two from. You get the message:

You should follow Morena, trust me.

Anna

 

P.s.: You can’t be offended, so instead of checking my disclaimer, why don’t you visit @girlcasm on Facebook? Say hi, comment, like, follow or share the love – and don’t hesitate to contact me, in case you’re interested in a free #girlcasm bracelet in yellow, orange, red, blue, purple or brown – xoxo

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Still no

Remember how I told you the story about me not using hormonal contraception some while ago? I got some pretty amazing feedback at that time – girls who texted me saying that they weren’t using it either or other girls who asked me a couple of questions because they were considering to stop using it, too. Of course there were some that said a) whatever or b) why would you talk about such an intimate topic Anna, I think it goes too far. Well girls, watch me talk about it again, with a twist.

I’m still not taking any kind of hormones and there’s still no chance of me ever doing it. We’re consuming enough hormones on a daily basis as it is, no matter if we eat meat or drink tap water. Yep, it’s that bad. I’m not saying you should stop eating, I’m just saying that you should be aware of the fact that our groundwater is full of hormones because it either makes its way from you to the toilet into our water or because humanity is at the point where agriculture doesn’t seem to be working without it anymore. But that’s another topic – feel free to google it.

Girls who take the pill or choose to use something else involving hormones because it’s ‘less harmful’ still make me mad, because I still don’t get why you’d take something that is clearly not good for your body. Why? Because it messes with mother nature in such a dramatic way, I will never understand how this never crosses your mind.

Anyway. The reason why I’m coming back to this topic is this hilarious piece of news here: studies around birth control for men had to be stopped, because too many of the men involved complained about the side effects that they didn’t want to endure anymore. You know, like depression, changes in libido, acne, etc. Sounds familiar?

I don’t know if it should make me sad or hysterical, but the thing is as simple as this: those men seem to be valuing their body more than many of you reading this do. More than many of my close friends. Isn’t that sad? As soon as they felt like something wasn’t good for their health and body, they obviously protested enough to not continue with it. And what do you do? You just accept it. You look for alternatives, which also include hormones most of the time. You make excuses. You live with it. But not many of you realize that you should not just accept it. There alternatives to hormones out there, you know?

There are so many women out there who are spreading feminist ideas all the time, but so many of those accept that such an issue is dealt with by sacrificing their health and future, just because that’s the way it always was. Women are responsible to look after birth control, no matter what questionable pills they are stuffing their faces with on a daily basis. Nobody ever thinks about what they are taking and what it does to their bodies. And if you tell them, they just shrug. Can’t do nothing about it anyway, right? I don’t understand, I really don’t.

To be clear, I don’t think that anybody should be taking hormones for reasons of birth control, no matter if man or woman, no matter how big or how little the side effects are. Personally, the thought alone makes me nauseous. Don’t you feel sad for your body? There are alternatives and yes, there don’t seem to be plenty of them, but there are some. Yes, some might tell you that they are not a 100% safe, but at least they won’t fuck up your body and or future – I’ve been living without the pill or other artificial hormones for 26 years now and I can tell you that I’m doing just fine, no restrictions, no nothing. Yes, I do have a couple of pimples from time to time, but if you’re superficial enough to care about the condition of your skin more than about the condition you put the rest of your body in, then you probably need a lot more help than you’d like to admit.

Personally, I would never support my man in taking hormones for such reasons and I think nobody should support, let alone ‘force’ their partner to make such a choice against their health. Nobody should give you the feeling like you have to take them, like this was the only way.

And you – you should love yourself enough to not accept such side effects. There are alternatives and you know it.

If you’re willing to think about this topic, I suggest you read my initial post on it. If you’d like to talk about it, I’m always happy to hear from you.

Love yourself first, trust me.

Anna

 

P.s.: Don’t be offended, read my disclaimer instead. If you agree, why don’t you visit @girlcasm on Facebook instead, like, follow, comment or share the love? If you’d like a free #girlcasm bracelet, please feel free to contact me.

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