You know how time and time again you come across a social phenomenon you notice and catch yourself thinking – really? Are there still people falling for this / acting this way? Like girls who cry their eyes out because it took them forever to realize they fell for a f*ckboy. Or people, who don’t really know a single Russian person, think that Russians are evil just because everybody tells them so (personal issue here). Or those smart cookies who think that their bag of nuts is special because it says gluten free. Wow.
I had such a WOW moment the other day, when I came across a magazine promising a new way of dieting on its cover. Like… seriously? You people still need somebody to tell you how to lose weight? Wow. I mean…good for the people who can make a living off making a secret of something logical but you can just ask me the next time and spend the money on something else. (Not candy, ideally.)
You know I’m always here for you if you need any kind of advice, so here’s how it goes:
First of all: dieting sucks. Not having the body you desire sucks. Seeing a skinny bitch eating and not gaining weight sucks. Gaining weight just by looking at things – like I know you’re probably convinced it works with you – sucks. Having cravings 24/7 sucks. The perspective of having to put a shitload of work into changing that sucks immensely and so does not having as much discipline and dedication as everybody else seems to have.
But there’s good news, too: it’s not rocket science. The secret in losing weight is simple – it’s basic calculus. Yep, I know – sounds shitty again, but that’s kind of no surprise, is it? Maths suck and so does shedding weight, so at least there’s kind of a pattern here. Some call it balance, to make it sound less scary, but that’s basically the same thing. And that’s all, (almost) no other secret behind it.
That being said, you can do it without spending money on advice. Without buying e-Books, without buying magazines in the first days of January. All you’ll have to do is count or even just estimate. No need to count calories (or macros, god forbid), except if you’re an annoyingly obsessive person, which I totally understand and will never judge – whatever works for you, go you.
But to come to the point: If you eat like a hamster, you’ll look like a hamster – except if you’ll put an equal amount of effort in working your *ss off. Addition, subtraction, result. And that’s it. The sad truth and nothing but the truth.
Now before somebody starts crying like I know you usually do when I call something by its name: I consider myself a hamster, too, even if I know that some might not. Hamster does not equal to fat, it’s just a symbol. Most of my friends don’t know me without traces of food coating my oral cavity so I do know the struggle. Just as much, I think it’s totally ok to be a hamster, with or without the rat race – this is not a way of me saying that changing your physical appearance is necessary just because you don’t look like straight from a VS runway. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and this is not the point of this rant here.
But it makes me angry to see how people take advantage of somebody’s desire to lose weight, acting like there was a big secret behind it, something we don’t already know. We do know, even if, again, it sucks to know that it is all in our hands, basically.
A couple of days ago I saw one of those ‘I lost so much weight and girls you can, too – the secret is easy – go vegan’ posts and I really had to catch myself for a sec there. Breathe in, breathe out. Yes, it might be true, you might see some results after switching to a vegan diet – but I hope you don’t think that this can’t happen if you stick to a normal, not obsessive, balanced diet including everything, even an occasional slice of pizza or whatever sugary products float your goat, do you? It can and it will, if you keep your balance in mind. Just don’t overdo it. Or if you do, punish yourself, if you absolutely need to. Go crazy at the gym. Go for a nasty run. Hate yourself, blame yourself, whatever. And then get over it.
So I guess what I meant to say is – they don’t call it balance for nothing. That’s all you need to know, basically. Of course there’s food that is better for you than other food might be and there’s foods your body might process better than others – but you don’t need to spend money on that information, do you? And you don’t need somebody to talk you into a lifestyle that doesn’t come to you naturally, just because it promises to make you lose some weight – and gain a sh*tload of energy or whatever else they offer as additional goodies.
The beauty of a simple balance – or calculus – is that it’s in your hands to work the cranks – now isn’t that good news?
Eat everybody who’s trying to sell you dieting secrets, trust me.
P.s.: Come share the love on Facebook – if you don’t share it, at least like it. xoxo